Experimentation
by dangerdonut
Summary: College AU: Karma and Amy never faked being lesbians in high school, and they both have some figuring out to do.
1. Chapter 1

**Part I**

Three months had passed since Karma and Amy had started school at UT-Austin, and Karma, like always, was trying to find ways to fit in.

"Amy, come _on_. Come to the club with me tonight," she begged of her roommate.

"You know I don't like loud and crowded places. Besides, I don't know why you want to go to a lesbian club anyways. The only guys you could pick up are the ones looking for a 'challenge', and trust me, you do not want to go down that path." Amy recalled her and Karma's sophomore year at Hester High. She remembered her and Karma being briefly and mistakenly outed as a couple, only for Lauren to shut it down less than 24 hours later. She also remembered Liam Booker, the boy who was crazy over Karma Ashcroft for the brief time that he thought she was a lesbian, but quickly lost interest when he found out she was straight.

Karma never quite recovered from that. It wasn't so much she was crazy in love with Liam Booker, but that she craved approval from the most popular boy in school. It made Amy want to pull her hair out. She didn't understand why Karma let such unimportant people have such a huge say in the way she views herself.

"Amy, we've talked about this. I am _done_ with boys." Karma's boyfriend of two months, which, for the record, was the longest relationship she has ever had, broke her heart only a few weeks back. Karma had caught him texting rather intimate things to another girl. Amy could not for the life of her understand why Karma attracted these types of guys.

"You can't just be _done_ with boys, Karma. And just because you're _done_ with boys doesn't mean you're into girls. It doesn't work that way," Amy rolled her eyes as she spoke as the voice of reason for the millionth time.

"I don't know, a lot of girls experiment in college. Who knows? I could be bi. But we'll never find out unless you go to this stupid club with me." Amy sat at the edge of her bed uncomfortably. She decided to end it with her boyfriend of 2 years, Oliver, when he left for college at UCLA. As much as she hated to admit it, she didn't miss him terribly. Oliver was a good guy and she felt comfortable around him. He was cute, compassionate, sweet, and they got along wonderfully. She figured she must have been in love with him and that's why she didn't want to start dating another boy yet. Still, the thought of going to a lesbian club made her a tad uncomfortable. She was willing to do it for Karma though. She was willing to do anything for Karma.

"Fine. But only because I can't stand to watch The Notebook for the 11th time in three weeks."

"I knew you'd crack," Karma smirked, opening Amy's closet. "We have to find you something cute to wear."

"M-me? Why? Aren't we going to pick a girl up for you?" Amy asked nervously.

"Well, yeah. But I figured you would want to too. It would help you get over Oliver," she smiled.

"I'm not even remotely gay," Amy laughed. It was absurd. She couldn't even _pretend_ to be gay back at Hester.

"Okay," Karma rolled her eyes, continuing to go through Amy's clothes.

"What? You think I am?!" Amy asked defensively.

"I think you need to get dressed," Karma said, throwing a dress at Amy. "We'll see what happens."

**Part II:**

Amy started getting irritated the second they walked through the doors. Karma picked up on this and offered to get them drinks with her fake ID. "Whatever," Amy said, feeling uncomfortable as ever. She leaned against the wall and looked at the ground while she waited for Karma.

"Hey, how's it going?" shouted a voice over the loud music. The owner of the voice was a beautiful tall girl holding a drink in her hand.

"Not bad," Amy shouted back.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"Oh, no thanks. I'm not um. I'm not gay. I'm here for a friend."

"Oh," the girl said, clearly disappointed. "Well, that's nice of you to come and support your friend."

"Yeah," Amy laughed. "She's not gay either."

The girl gave her a strange look and walked away. Amy shrugged happy to end that uncomfortable encounter. She always had been bad at small talk. She was happy to see Karma return with her drink.

"Who was that cute girl you were talking to?" Karma asked excitedly.

"I have no idea," Amy responded.

"Well, is she coming back?"

"I don't know."

"Amy, come on. At least _try_."

"Can't we just hang out?"

"No, Amy Raudenfeld. You need to step outside of your comfort zone. Which is why we're going to split up and meet up at the end of the night with our dates. Okay bye!" She rushed through her words before kissing Amy on the cheek and disappearing into the crowd.

**Part III:**

Amy had spent the entire night on her phone. The drink calmed her nerves enough to get used to the loud music, and she had beaten her high score on flappy bird twice. All in all, Amy considered it a pretty successful night. Her game was interrupted when she received a text from her best friend.

Karma: Ready to go?

Amy: Yes! Meet me outside!

Karma: Be right there.

Amy waited by the car to see a disgruntled Karma walking towards her.

"Where's your date?" Amy asked.

"Where's _yours_?" Karma snapped.

"Whoa, I'm guessing things didn't go well?"

"I don't know what I did wrong. Girls are so much pickier than guys. Am I ugly and you're not telling me?"

"No, Karma." Amy rolled her eyes.

"I'm so _done_ with girls," Karma said decisively. "Let's go home."

While Amy was relieved to leave the club, she admittedly felt bad for her friend. Karma tried to be so positive about everything but she always seemed to get the short end of the stick. They got back to their dorm around midnight, and Karma was already turning on Netflix.

"Oh god, Karma no. Not the fucking Notebook again."

"Yes the fucking Notebook again," Karma quipped. "Hasn't my night been traumatic enough?"

"Okay drama queen," Amy said, yanking away the remote and turning off the TV. "Let's get drunk and have our own party," she said taking a bottle of vodka out of the fridge. Amy didn't care for drinking or partying all too much, but she knew Karma did and she felt bad for her heartbroken friend.

"Okay," Karma said, a smile breaking through her face.

**Part IV:**

A few drinks later they were both completely hammered and talking about all sorts of things.

"But Amy, he was such a nice guy. I don't get it," Karma said, talking about Oliver. "Why didn't you want to have sex with him?"

"Not everyone is as horny as you Karma," Amy laughed, "I think I probably just want to wait until marriage."

Karma giggled uncontrollably at her friend's declaration. "You're just saying that because you didn't like Oliver."

"What? Of course I liked Oliver. I dated him for two years."

"Okay Amy," she said, taking another swig.

"What else could it be?" Amy asked.

"I don't know. Why did you get so uncomfortable when we went to the gay club tonight? And why do you get so defensive every time I bring up the fact that you _might_ like girls?"

"Because it's ridiculous. What, you think I'm gay and that's why? I don't like girls any more than I like Oliver."

"Amy…" Karma said, crawling from the end of Amy's bed to meet her by the headboard. She straddled Amy and started to move closer to her face.

"Karma, what the fuck are you doing?" Amy's heart began to race. She didn't know what was happening, but she didn't like it. But she also _really _liked it, which made her not like it even more.

"Shh," Karma said, inching their faces closer. "This was going to happen sooner or later," she whispered against Amy's lips before bending down and closing the gap.

Amy sat there motionless with her eyes open while Karma gently kissed her bottom lip. Reluctantly, she closed her eyes and kissed her back. She relaxed against the headboard and slipped into how _good_ this felt. Too good. Dangerously good. She moved her hands to Karma's waist and pulled her down, decreasing the distance between their bodies. Karma moaned into her mouth and _fuck_ it felt good.

Karma pulled back, keeping her eyes shut for a few seconds before opening them and looking into Amy's eyes. "Whoa," she managed to mutter out.

"I know," Amy breathlessly replied. She had never experienced anything like that. She had never _wanted_ someone so much in her entire life. "Why did you stop?"

"I-I don't," Karma stuttered, backing up and returning to sitting at the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

"What? No, no it's fine!" Amy reassured.

"Amy, no. I just.."

"Tell me," Amy said, her tone becoming more serious. The night went from joking around to something much more in a matter of minutes.

"It's nothing, I'm just drunk."

"Karma, that felt _really _good."

Karma looked down at her hands for a few seconds before weakly responding. "Did it?"

"Yes," Amy said, nodding furiously. "We should do that again. Preferably right now. Come on, you wanted to right?"

"Amy stop. I don't think you understand."

"So what?! We're drunk! It doesn't mean anything." Amy was too drunk to be scared of the consequences of what she had just felt. She just wanted more of this new feeling.

"Okay, now I know you don't understand. Fuck, I'm sorry Amy. Let's just go to bed."

Amy sat there completely bewildered by what just happened. Karma had tried so hard to get her on board with this, and when she finally was, she backed off entirely.

"Wait," Amy said. "Can you just.. can we just sleep in the same bed? Like we used to? I miss you."

"You miss me?" Karma laughed. "Amy, we literally live in the same room. We sleep two feet away from each other."

"Please?" She was drunk, and it was weird. But she was too drunk for it to be weird.

"Yeah," Karma said, making her way towards Amy's bed. "Okay."

She slipped under the covers next to Amy and leaned over to turn the lamp off. "Good night," Karma said as Amy reached over and held her close. "Night," Amy said, breathing into her neck.

As Amy held Karma and watched her fall asleep, unwilling to fall asleep herself, she finally understood why she never wanted to sleep with Oliver.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Part I**

Amy woke up first the next morning after a restless night. Every time she fell asleep, she would dream about Karma, accompanied by the new feeling she was introduced to last night. Around 9 AM she gave up trying to fall back asleep. She carefully untangled herself from Karma and grabbed a bottle of water from the mini fridge, clutching her pounding head.

It must have woken Karma up, because Amy heard a soft voice from behind her asking for a bottle of water too. She brought it over to the bed and handed it to a very tired looking Karma.

"Fuck, my head hurts," Karma complained. "Why were we sleeping in the same bed?"

Amy didn't know how to answer that because she didn't understand it herself. "I don't know, we were drunk. It seemed like a good idea."

Karma racked her brain trying to remember what happened last night before it all came barreling back at 100 miles per hour. Her eyes widened, "Did we…?"

"Did we what?" Amy asked, disappointed that Karma was having trouble remembering something that was keeping Amy up all night.

"Did we have sex?" She whispered out the last part.

"No! Karma, no," Amy laughed. "We just.. made out for a little bit."

"Oh," Karma half smiled, looking relieved before clenching her teeth. "It was my idea, right?"

"You didn't really give me much of a choice. You kind of cornered me," Amy smiled.

"Oh god," Karma said burying her face in Amy's pillow before letting out a groan. "I'm sorry. That's really embarrassing."

"I've seen you do more embarrassing things than that over the 13 years we've known each other," Amy smirked.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"Maybe."

"Well, I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"You're not freaked out?"

"No. Are you?"

"Of course not. I just don't want this to mess with our friendship."

Amy rolled her eyes. "Karma, we just kissed. It doesn't have to mean anything."

Karma clenched at the covers in her hands and looked at the wall. "Okay. I just thought, you know, I don't know. I don't want to lead you on or anything. I just don't know if I could date a girl."

"Karma, what are you talking about? Just because you kissed me doesn't mean I like girls."

"Well you don't have to be so rude about it."

"You're the one being weird! Weren't we just at a lesbian club last night because you wanted to date a girl? What is going on?!"

"Nothing, Amy! Can we just pretend it never happened? It was stupid and I'm sorry."

Amy felt like crying. She couldn't believe after all of that, Karma just wanted to forget it. It wasn't that Amy wanted to date her, she wasn't even sure she had feelings for her yet, but she felt something, and she didn't want to just brush it off like it was nothing. This is so typical of Karma, Amy thought. Karma was adamant on stirring up feelings she was sure Amy had repressed, but as soon as the feelings surfaced, she retreated.

"Whatever, Karma," Amy said with a bit more malice in her voice than she meant for.

"You're upset."

"I'm not fucking upset! I'm irritated. I'm allowed to be fucking irritated. I don't want to talk about it anymore, okay? If you don't want to pretend it happened then fine, we'll pretend it didn't fucking happen. Whatever. I don't fucking care," Amy yelled, getting dressed. She noticed Karma was starting to tear up, and she immediately felt awful. But she wouldn't let her know that. "I'm going to get some breakfast and I need some space," she said, walking out the door. Karma sat up on the bed, curling her knees to her chest and wiping away the tears from her face. Why do I always fuck everything up?

**Part II:**

Amy went through her normal day of classes trying to forget about what happened. If Karma didn't feel anything from the kiss, then she didn't want to either. It was probably a fluke, she thought. We were both drunk. But she couldn't shake the feeling of how badly she wanted to kiss her again. It was driving her crazy how badly she wanted her. She couldn't focus on anything else. She just wanted to scream.

She walked to the park after her last class to clear her mind. Mostly, she didn't want to go back to the dorm and face Karma. Unfortunately for her, Karma had the same idea. "Shit," Amy muttered under her breath as she saw the brunette coming her way.

"Look, Karma. I don't want to talk right now."

"Well I do."

"And it's always about what you want, right?"

"Stop it! Why are you so mad? Just talk to me."

"I just need some time to think, okay? Can you just give me some time to figure things out?"

Karma looked down at the ground and then back up at Amy. "So, this is because you felt something."

"Jesus Christ, Karma! Stop trying to figure me out!"

"I just want to help Amy. That's all I ever wanted to do. Just let me know what I can do. I'm sorry."

"Just give me space. Go back to the dorm. I'll meet you there later, I just need to think, okay?"

"Okay," Karma said defeated. "Sorry again." She brushed Amy's arm with her hand and Amy felt a spark of electricity shoot through her. I'm fucked, Amy thought.

**Part III:**

Amy spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about her next move. She figured these feelings must be a fluke, and everything was just more exciting because they were drunk. She needed to kiss Karma while she was sober to realize that she didn't really have feelings for her, and all of this would go away.

She returned to the dorm later that night, and Karma immediately stood up from her bed.

"Feeling better?" Karma asked.

"Remember how you said you'd do anything to help?" Amy said, walking towards Karma.

"Yeah, anything." Amy was closing the gap between them, standing closer to her than she needed to.

"I need you to let me kiss you. I just need to know last night was a fluke."

"Amy, that's not a good idea."

"You said you'd help me! Just trust me, okay? I need to do this." Karma stood speechless as Amy cupped her face in her hand, pulling her head closer. She closed the gap between their lips and kissed her gently. Karma grabbed her by the waist and pulled her closer, and electricity shot through her entire body. She knew she should stop, she knew her plan had failed, but she didn't want to stop, and Karma wasn't stopping her. She wanted more of her, and she wanted more of her now.

She walked Karma over to the bed, not breaking their kiss for even a second. Karma fell back and Amy landed on top of her, kissing her deeper. She rolled her hips downward to decrease the distance between them, and started kissing Karma's neck. Breathlessly, Karma said, "Amy, stop. We have to stop. Please."

Amy sat up, looking down at her best friend of 13 years who had obvious pain in her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't do this Amy. I'm sorry. I told you it was a bad idea." She walked over to the mirror to fix her smudged makeup before turning around and facing a sad and confused Amy. "I, um. Fuck, Amy. I can't talk about this right now," she said, impossibly trying not to tear up. "I'm just going to go for a walk. Don't wait up for me, please. I'm sorry. Again."

She walked out the door and Amy sat on her bed wondering how her entire life had been turned upside down in less than a day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Amy spent the next two hours obsessing over what had just happened. She was upset and turned on, and upset at the fact that she was turned on. She didn't even want to think what these feelings for Karma might mean, she just wanted to kiss her again. She alternated between pacing across the room and screaming into her pillow. She wanted to leave and walk around but she didn't want to miss Karma. She had to come back, she did live here after all.

She couldn't think of a reason why Karma was so upset. _She probably thinks I'm in love with her and she doesn't want me to get hur_t, was the first thing that went through Amy's head. Looking back, Karma hinted to the fact that Amy was probably a lesbian a lot. How did she know? Then again, she did know Amy better than she knew herself. Then the other possibility popped into her head, that maybe _Karma_ felt something for her, and _she_ was scared of getting hurt. She had no idea what to do.

Honestly, she didn't know if she even wanted a relationship with Karma. It was already hard enough being her friend sometimes, and a committed relationship with the girl seemed scary to say the least. Still, she couldn't stop thinking about her. She was starting to feel guilty for thinking about how _sexy_ she is, and how the thought of sex never really seemed appealing until now. She was frustrated, and she just wanted to feel Karma. She didn't want to put labels on anything yet, she just wanted to do what felt right and think about getting hurt later. "Ugh," she groaned before punching her pillow as the brunette walked in through the door.

"So," Karma said, managing a nervous laugh, "I'm guessing you're upset?"

Amy felt bad. Even though this was Karma's fault, she knew her intentions weren't bad. They just weren't very well thought out. "No," Amy lied.

"That pillow thinks otherwise."

"I'm just frustrated. And confused. And _frustrated_. And I have no idea what you're thinking."

"I'm thinking I'm an idiot."

"Why?" Amy asked nervously.

"Because I fucked things up. I made things weird. I don't know why I didn't think this could happen."

"What do you mean?"

"I've just kind of had a suspicion for a few years that you might like girls."

Amy felt like crawling in a hole and never coming out. "What the fuck, Karma?"

"I don't know why! Maybe it's because you never seemed that into Oliver. Maybe it's because you always felt so defensive about it. Maybe it's-"

"So why did _you_ kiss me?! If you knew this could happen?"

"Well, I _tried_ hooking you up with another girl."

"Obviously you didn't try hard enough. So now what? You kissed me and that's it? And now I have all these feelings for you that you dragged up and I can't do anything about it? That's not fair, Karma. I never wanted this. I never wanted any of this."

"I just wanted to kiss you to make sure."

"To make sure of what?" Amy raised her voice. She was getting extremely irritated.

"I don't know, Amy. You've always gone along with every stupid thing I've done and I don't know, we've always been really touchy with each other, and that one time the entire school suspected we were lesbians. I just thought that.. maybe you were in love with me this entire time or something."

"Oh my god," Amy sarcastically laughed, rolling her eyes, standing up to meet Karma. "Stop acting like my psychiatrist, okay? That's not what this is." She was sick of fighting. She was sick of thinking. She was sick of being turned on.

"What is it then, Amy? Please tell me, because I really don't understand."

"I'll show you," Amy said before grabbing the brunette's face and pressing her lips to hers. She backed her up against the wall and kissed her deeper as Karma moaned into her mouth. Amy was going crazy with how much she wanted her, and the kisses became hungrier. She pulled Karma off of the wall and walked her over to the bed, breaking the kiss only to rip her own shirt off and then Karma's. She didn't want to stop long enough for Karma to change her mind. She _needed_ this. Karma rolled her hips up to reduce the friction between them. She clearly wanted this just as much as Amy.

The blonde moved her leg in between Karma's legs to rub up against her center, only to elicit a louder moan from the girl beneath her. Karma attempted to move her leg up to gain some friction, but when it failed she flipped Amy over and trailed kisses down her body. She pulled what was left of her clothes off and placed kisses between her thighs. Amy was squirming, painfully waiting for the tension to be released before Karma finally moved her face onto Amy's center. Amy couldn't help grasping at her own hair, moaning louder than she intended to. She placed a hand over her own mouth and grasped at Karma's hair as Karma finally released the tension that had been building in Amy for so long. The blonde lied motionless on the bed as the other girl came back up to place a gentle kiss on her lips.

"That was amazing," Amy managed to choke out, her eyes still closed in bliss.

Karma lied down next to Amy, reaching across her and holding her at her side. "That's.. good," Karma mumbled into her neck.

"I want to make you feel that good," Amy said, starting to get up.

"No, Amy. Don't," Karma stopped her.

"W-why? What's wrong? You didn't like it?"

"I just want to hold you right now, okay? I know you needed that, and I just need to hold you, so can I just hold you?"

Amy lied next to her confused yet again. She couldn't figure Karma out. Still, it felt good just to hold her. "What are you thinking?" Amy asked.

"I'm thinking you need to let me think."

"You didn't do that because… because you just felt bad for me, did you?"

"No, Amy," she said, tilting her head to look into her eyes before kissing her again. "It's not like I don't want you to do it to me. I do, I _really_ do. I just can't yet, okay? Please, just give me some time. This is happening really fast."

Amy held her best friend, realization setting in that this _was_ happening fast. She was originally worried that Karma didn't feel anything, but now it was starting to seem like the opposite. She thought back to earlier that night when Karma said that she had an inclination that Amy was in love with her since before this happened, but now she was starting to wonder if it was Karma who had been in love with Amy. The thought was terrifying and she didn't know what to think of it, but then she looked down at the girl breathing into her neck and she finally felt like she was home.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The next morning, Karma was the one to wake up first. She tried getting out of bed, but Amy sleepily moaned and tightened her grip on her. "Nooo. Stay here," Amy said in a sleepy voice.

"Unlike you, I have a class to get to this morning."

"Skip it," the blonde said opening her eyes to meet Karma's. "Stay here with me."

"I can't," she said with a pouty face.

"Pleeease? I miss you."

Karma laughed, "why do you keep saying that?"

"Because I do," she squeezed her closer. "At least let me finish what we started last night," she purred into Karma's ear.

"I, uh" Karma stuttered. "I really do need to get to class."

"Come on. Didn't you tell me one time that you're always horny in the mornings?" Amy laughed.

"Hey!" Karma shifted to look at her, "I did _not_ use those words! And I told you that in _confidence_. I didn't know you would use that against me some day."

"I didn't think I would either, but here we are," she motioned at her holding Karma, still half naked from last night.

Karma laughed, "Amy, if you want me to do you, I will."

"What? No. We already did that last night. Now _I_ want to do _you_."

"I don't know."

"Why?" Amy sat up, resting against the headboard. "Why is it okay for you to do it to me but I can't do it to you? You're acting like you're doing me a _favor_."

"Amy, that's not what this is."

"God, Karma. If you don't have feelings for me just tell me, but to go this far to avoid conflict is pretty fucking twisted."

"Amy, we are moving _way _too fast."

"Are you kidding?" Amy was getting angry again. She was so sick of fighting about this. She always imagined falling for someone would be blissful and innocent, but so far this had just been a giant headache. She hated fighting with Karma, and lately that's all they've been doing. "Karma, we've been best friends for thirteen years. You get a new boyfriend practically every week, and you sleep with all of them right away, but _we're_ moving too fast?"

"Do you even hear what you're saying?" Karma stormed out of bed and grabbed her clothes. "You think because I sleep with them right away that I _owe_ you sex?"

"No! Karma, no! That isn't what I'm saying at all. It just makes me feel like shit knowing that I have all of these feelings and you don't feel the same way. You don't owe me anything. I'm not good with words, you know that! I just feel, I don't know, insecure? God, Karma, these feelings are driving me fucking insane," Amy started to tear up. "I didn't mean for it to sound like I expect anything from you. I don't. I'm just so fucking confused with what we're doing. I'm sorry," she managed to choke out before sobbing.

"Amy, I-"

"And you know what the worst part is? I don't even have anybody to talk to about it, because _you're_ the one I always talk to. That's the way it's always been. So what, after thirteen years, everything is just different now?"

"This is why I wanted to take it slow," Karma mumbled, sitting on her bed and hiding her face in her hands. "I just thought if we could ease into this slowly, then maybe it wouldn't feel like such a huge leap. Then again, I didn't plan on fucking you less than 24 hours after our first kiss," Karma nervously laughed, trying to cover up the fact that she was tearing up as well.

"Wait, what do you mean you thought we could ease into this slowly? Ease into what, exactly?"

"I just thought that if it started off as a kiss and we took it slow enough, it wouldn't be such a huge leap into being in a relationship, you know?"

Amy stared at her in disbelief. "Did you _plan_ this? Did you plan on getting drunk and kissing me?"

"W-what? Amy, come on, that's ridiculous."

"Karma!"

"Okay, maybe a little bit."

Amy placed her hands over her face and groaned as she slid down onto her bed. With every answer she got came a thousand more questions. Why was Karma Ashcroft so _complicated_?

"Karma… why did you plan this?" Amy asked, staring at the ceiling.

"I was sick of not being with you. It was getting painful, Amy. I kept trying to date other people, but it never worked. And it was so hard to be comforted by you after every breakup, because it killed me I couldn't be with you."

"Woah," Amy said, her eyes widening. She had no idea, she really didn't.

"I know," Karma said, desperately trying to regain eye contact with Amy. "I'm sorry."

Amy looked up at the girl sitting on the other bed. "It's okay, Karma. I just wish you would have told me when you started having these feelings."

"I know. I just.. I was afraid I'd lose you." Amy looked into the other girl's eyes and saw complete vulnerability. Karma was always open with things about Amy, but she had never seen her look like this before. She was terrified she would say the wrong thing. She was terrified she would hurt her.

"Karma," she said as she got up to sit next to her, putting her arm around her and holding her close. "You could never lose me."

"Really?"

"Of course not. The only reason we've been fighting so much lately is because we've been hiding things. We just have to be honest with each other like we usually are."

Karma let out a sigh of relief. "I thought you would be more freaked out."

"You should know by now that nothing you do could freak me out," Amy laughed. "I've stuck around this long, I'm not going anywhere. How long did you have feelings for me anyways?"

"Uhh," Karma laughed nervously. "Amy, I don't think you want to know."

"Oh, come on. Just tell me. A few months? A year?"

"Since middle school."

Amy nearly jumped from her seat. _Middle school?!_

"Karma!"

"I told you! To be fair, I didn't really realize it until recently. I had gotten so used to wanting you that it seemed normal. It wasn't until my last breakup that I realized I'd always been in love with you. And then it just got too overwhelming. Every time I was around you it felt like I was going to explode. I love you, Amy. God, that feels so good to finally say." She looked into the blonde's eyes. "I love you."

Amy couldn't believe what she was hearing. She was so wrapped up in this girl that she was wondering if she had feelings all along too. It made sense, maybe it just took the kiss for her to realize it. She stared into Karma's eyes, seeing a side of her she had never seen before. She wanted to say she loved her too, because she did. She really _did_ love Karma, more than anyone else in the world, with every inch of her. But suddenly, Amy felt like things were happening too fast. She didn't know if she was _in_ love with her. How could she? She only started feeling these things less than two days ago. She didn't know what being in love was, and the last thing she wanted to do was hurt Karma. She couldn't, not after she had been so open.

"Karma.. I can't. I love you, I do, just-"

"Just not like that." Karma looked down at the floor trying to stop her tears. "I can't lose you Amy. I can't be just friends either. Not after all of this. It hurts too much."

Amy held Karma close to her as she cried on her shoulder. "Karma, it's not that I don't have feelings for you, I do. I don't even know what love _is_."

"Trust me Amy," Karma said, her voice steadying. "You would know." Karma wiped her tears from her eyes as she stood up to continue getting dressed. "It's okay, Amy. I don't want you to feel guilty. This was my fault. We'll figure it out."

"Karma.." Amy said as her voice cracked. She had never felt worse in her life. But Karma was right, she just _didn't_ know. Not yet. "This isn't your fault. This is my fault. You wanted to take things slow and I fucked everything up." She wiped the tears from her face before she laughed in realization. "This is so like us! It takes us forever to get on the same page. One of us is always going a million miles an hour and the other one is always sitting down." She managed to get a smile from Karma.

"This is like us, isn't it?"

"Yes!" She stood up to meet Karma as she rubbed her arms. "That's why I know we'll be okay. No matter what happens."

"I didn't mean to put any pressure on you Amy," Karma looked down sadly.

Amy couldn't stand to see Karma like this. She pulled her in and hugged her tight. "What are we going to do with you, Ashcroft?"

"I really do have to get to class."

"I hate Sundays. It's the only day I have completely off and you have classes until 3. Who puts class on a Sunday? What am I supposed to do all day without you?"

Karma weakly smiled and continued to gather her things. "I think you'll survive," she said more flatly than she planned for.

"Barely," Amy said.

"I'm gonna get going."

"Oh, okay. Well, come back as soon as you're done with class so we can go get something to eat like we usually do."  
>"Sure."<p>

"I'll miss you!" Amy said, shooting her a toothy smile.

"Yeah," Karma said walking out the door, half-smiling, trying to cover up the fact that her heart had just been ripped in half. It broke Amy's heart. She flopped on the bed trying not to cry yet again. Every time one of Karma's boyfriends broke her heart, she wanted to punch them in the face. Now _she_ hurt Karma. She had no idea what to do, but she had to do something.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Amy didn't want to be cooped up all day, but she also had nowhere to go. She sat down on Karma's bed and realized how exhausted she was. She had went to bed decently late the past few nights, not to mention the stress that was wearing her down. _Maybe I'll just take a quick nap_, she thought. She laid herself down on her stomach, face first into Karma's pillow. She inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of Karma before turning her head and smiling. She pulled Karma's blanket over herself and grasped at the sheets, feeling as close to her as she could right now. She let out a sleepy moan before letting herself fall into a gentle sleep.

She dreamt of living in her first house in Austin, the one that was right next to Karma's, the one she lived in until she was ten. She dreamt of waking up excitedly for school. She was in the same class as Karma in 3rd grade, and she was so relieved to be able to see her best friend every day. She remembered waiting at the bus stop with her friend one particularly cold morning and forgetting to bring a jacket. "Here," a smiling Karma said, handing her jacket to Amy. "I deal with the cold better than you." Amy smiled because she knew she was right. She took the jacket and snuggled up to Karma, trying to keep her warm too.

She dreamt of the day she auditioned for America's Got Talent with her yo-yo routine. Karma came with her, giving her a pep talk before she went on. "Amy, you've been practicing this for months. You got this. Nobody yo-yos better than you," she said excitedly, trying to unnerve her friend. "Amy Raudenfeld," she heard her name being called. "Good luck," Karma smiled, giving her a thumbs up. Of course, the routine was a disaster. Even if it had gone according to plan, which it didn't, it would still have always been an embarrassing memory. Amy left the audition room trying not to cry. Karma hugged her and held her tight.

"Hey, it's okay. You tried. I'm not as brave as you are, Amy. You tried to make me go on there and sing and I wouldn't because I was too scared."

Amy looked at her with tears in her eyes, "you're not embarrassed for me?"

Karma laughed. "Of course not. That routine was still badass. Come on, let's go home. You can sleepover at my house and we can watch TV." Karma held her hand as they walked with her mom to the car.

She dreamt of their sophomore year in high school when they went to Shane Harvey's party. Everyone thought they were lesbians after a false accusation from Lauren. She remembered how Karma wanted to go along with it. She couldn't figure out why Karma would go that far for popularity, but she remembered agreeing to go along with it for Karma's sake. She would do anything to make her happy, because that's what best friends do. Unfortunately for them, Lauren recorded their fight in the locker room, exposing it at the homecoming assembly. Amy remembers her readiness to kiss Karma to prove to the school they weren't faking. She wasn't sure why she was willing to do that. It didn't matter, though, because Lauren had proof, and the girls had fallen off of the social ladder. Amy wouldn't have cared, but it broke Karma's heart. Liam Booker wouldn't give her the time of day. Karma craved his approval. Karma craved everybody's approval.

Karma didn't understand what it was like to be loved unconditionally. Her parents were always comparing her to her older brother. The only person that ever cared about her for who she is was Amy. But she had feelings for Amy, feelings she thought Amy didn't return, so she couldn't give herself to Amy unconditionally. She had to try to earn love from other people. Being herself wasn't enough. When she failed, she felt unlovable, which continued her cycle of self-loathing.

There was a vulnerable and broken person under the image obsessed girl known as Karma Ashcroft. It all made sense to Amy now, she saw that girl today. She saw that girl when she finally gave herself, bared her soul to Amy. She didn't know why she couldn't see her before. But she didn't give herself back to Karma. She put up a wall between them, because _she_ was afraid of getting hurt. Karma had always said that Amy was the brave one, but today, Karma was brave.

Then, Amy dreamt of the future. She dreamt that she never told Karma how much she loves her, how much she cares about her, how much she _appreciates_ her. She dreamt that Karma moved out. She got a new roommate, it was too much to be around Amy. Karma met a new girl who wasn't afraid to show her how much she cares about her, and they moved in together. When it was cold, Karma gave up her jacket for her. When she was nervous, Karma gave her a reassuring pep talk. When she was sad, or upset, or happy, or angry, or content, or _anything_, Karma was there for that girl. That girl that wasn't Amy. All because Amy was too afraid to take the jump, to step off the edge with Karma, the girl that had once done all those things for her and so much more.

She jolted awake, tears streaming down her face. She had taken Karma for granted for too long. It was time to take the leap, no matter how terrifying it was. She _did_ love Karma. She was _in_ love with her, with every part of her. With all of her flaws and imperfections, she was everything to Amy. She couldn't lose her. She _wouldn't_ lose her. Not after everything they'd been through.


	6. Chapter 6

**Part I**

Still shaken up by her dream, Amy went to take a cold shower. She couldn't believe how stupid she had been the past few days, or the past few years for that matter. Of _course_ she was in love with Karma, it explained everything. "Fuck," she muttered under her breath as she closed her eyes, cold water running down her face. "This is really happening." As she stepped out of the shower, she felt like her body was made of led. She wanted to sink into the ground and never come out. _But she loves you back_, Amy thought. _It shouldn't be this scary. _That didn't make it any less scary.

She buried her face in her towel when she realized how _hurt_ Karma looked this morning. Karma had put all of her feelings out on the table, and Amy more or less threw them out. She groaned into the towel before throwing it onto the ground and running her hands through her hair. It didn't matter how scary it was for Amy. It was torture for Karma, and Amy's uncertainty was only making it worse. "I have to fix this," Amy whispered.

She looked at the clock at the side of her bed that read 1:08 PM. Karma usually got back from her classes around 3:17 on Sundays, because even though it was a 13 minute walk, she usually got distracted for a good 4 minutes when she passed the pond with all the ducks in it. Amy felt a half-smile creep onto her face when she came to the realization that she now knew everything there is to know about Karma Ashcroft, from the very minute she returned from her classes to the five year crush she was hiding from her best friend.

Amy tossed through her closet and decided on wearing her plain blue button down. Karma always told her that was her favorite shirt. "You can borrow it if you want," Amy would say. "No," Karma would crack a smile. "It brings out your eyes. It looks better on you."

Amy threw it on as she mumbled "how could I have missed that?" She jumped into her pants as she added "there were so many clues." She looked in the mirror before she left to confirm she didn't look like a complete mess before she bolted out the door. When Karma came back, she wasn't going to be disappointed.

**Part II**

Amy nervously paced around the room as she looked at her watch. _3:18_. "Calm down, Amy, she's just a minute later than usual," she mumbled. "She probably doesn't want to come home to your dumb ass." She sat at the end of her bed, looking around the room, impressed with herself that she was able to come up with all of this in such a short amount of time. She never considered herself to be a romantic, but she wanted to make Karma feel things - and feel things with Karma - that neither of them have ever felt before. Once she realized she was falling for Karma, she had fallen _hard_.

Amy stood up when she heard the door creak open to see a very tired looking Karma. The brunette was looking down at the floor, aware of the other girl's presence in the room, but reluctant to look up at her. "Amy…" she started, trailing off when she saw a rose petal on the floor. She furrowed her brow as she looked up and around the room to the evening that Amy had planned for the two of them. The floors were covered in rose petals and the walls were decorated with Christmas lights. Amy somehow managed to place a small table and two chairs in the center of their tiny dorm room, where a bottle of champagne, two glasses, and a photo album were arranged neatly.

"Surprise!" Amy grinned. "I know it's a little early in the day for champagne, but-"

"What is this for?" Karma laughed gently, still confused why their dorm room looked like something out of a cheesy romantic comedy.

"It's a thank you," Amy started.

"A thank you for what?" Karma started to relax.

"A thank you for putting up with me and my obliviousness," Amy continued. "I'm sorry about this morning."

"No, I'm sorry," Karma interrupted. "I should have never put that much pressure on you. I dropped a huge bombshell and I expected you to feel what's been building up inside of me for years. It's okay that you don't love me, I-"

"Karma," it was Amy's turn to interrupt. "I've loved you from the second I met you," she walked closer to the brunette, taking her hands in her own.

"But you said-"

"I'm an idiot," Amy laughed. "You know how I am. It takes me forever to figure out this emotional stuff. In this case, 13 years," she scrunched her forehead and looked at the ground as she came to this realization. "I know these past few years must have been torture for you. You realized you were in love with me, but I didn't. But I just want you to know that this wasn't one-sided. I've always felt like there was something… missing."

"Really?" Karma's eyes lit up with hope.

"Every time you dated someone, I would get so angry, and I had no idea why. I thought I just didn't want them to take you away from me, but it was so much more than that," Amy's tone grew more serious. "It was like a switch in my mind finally clicked, and I finally realized why. I've loved you for forever. And I have proof," Amy grinned, leading Karma to the table. She brought her chair around to the other side as she opened up the photo album.

"Amy," Karma's smile took up her whole face. "Where did you get these?!"

"I was saving this for your birthday," Amy admitted. "But I got curious today after you left. I wanted to see how I acted around you when I was younger, even if it's just in pictures, and well," she pointed to a picture in the top right corner of the page. "I was right," she smiled.

"Oh my god," Karma's eyes started watering as she looked at the picture closer. It was Karma and Amy at a fair when they were around eight or nine. Karma's mom had taken the picture of the two girls. They were at the petting zoo, and while Karma was looking at the animals, Amy was looking at Karma, admiringly of course, with a soft smile on her face. "You were so cute," Karma whispered, affectionately touching the edges of the picture.

"And so in love," Amy added. "Kind of like right now."

Karma looked up and stared into Amy's eyes for a few seconds. "Have I ever told you I really love that shirt?" Karma broke the silence. "It really brings out your-"

"Eyes," Amy finished. "You may have mentioned it."

Karma laughed as she looked down and then back up at Amy. She leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on the other girl's lips. "You're incredible," she said. "I can't believe you did all of this for me."

"Psh, this?" Amy asked sarcastically. "This is nothing. I'm going to do all sorts of cheesy romantic crap for my girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" Karma asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well I would hope so," Amy joked. "I didn't go through all of this _just_ to get in your pants."

"Aw, you're so sweet," Karma rolled her eyes. "I can't believe I'm in love with you."

"I can't believe it either," Amy leaned in to kiss her cheek. "But I'm so lucky that you are."

_A/N: This was the final chapter. Thanks for reading guys!_


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